My Mommy Group

I stumbled into my Mommy Group when my son Jaden was just 6 months-old and I was a panicked new mom who felt isolated and unsure, having just moved from NY to LA... This group of fifteen moms, who met in prenatal yoga, welcomed me into the fold for their Mommy and Me play dates. Over the last 9 years we have troubleshooted anything and everything that life as a mom has thrown at us: from bed wetting to divorce. Our Mommy Group has now evolved into freestanding friendships, and the kids are no longer the main focal point. We get together throughout the year to celebrate our natal birthdays with dinners out on the town. These are wise women. Moms I look to for advice and their tried and true experience. I would not have the quality of motherhood or have developed the sense of humour mothering evokes had I not been able to laugh and cry talking to these mommies over time.

Last week we got together at "Camp Crawford" - our annual Christmas tradition where the kids get to see each other for the first time in a year at Cindy Crawford's, one of the Mommies, in Malibu... We sit on a blanket, sip hot apple cider and eat a yummy lunch while the kids run around and play games with a camp counselor... A really nice moment in time for us as we go over our holiday plans and gush over each others' offspring.

I took the opportunity to ask Cindy a couple questions about how she handles this time of year with her kids, Presley, 9 and Kaia, 7. It's something I, myself, have been worrying about - my kids getting too much. Because this year, for the first time, my kids will have a record breaking 5 Christmases with all the families (on their dad's side and mine combined)!!! That's the last thing I want this season to foster is spoiling! How do you enjoy the giving and receiving and still maintain the integrity of the spirit of Christmas? Cindy and her husband, Rande, are obviously very successful, but they are also very down-to-earth; parents who care that their kids are normal, and not out-of-touch with reality despite their privilege.

Cindy said:

"I remember as a kid that the build up for Christmas - all the excitement - was as important as the main event. I try to share that with my kids by decorating right after Thanksgiving. We also make sure that the kids watch each other open presents. It draws it out and I find they are just as excited to see what everyone else got. That's important. I try to have them open their presents in front of whomever gave it to them if possible so they can connect the gift with the giver."

I asked her what tradition she and her family look forward to during the holidays:

"We don't have a lot of traditions as we are a mixed family with my husband being Jewish and me being Christian. For us, the main thing is the build up and then us all being together. There is a special kind of cinnamon bread I make and we all look forward to that smell in the house."

I wanted to know what gift she was most excited about giving this year:

"My husband has a Jeannine Payer necklace with little charms of the kids' photos that he wears around his neck. He tells the kids that they are always close to his heart. They have been bugging me for the same necklaces with photos of me and Rande. I got them made and know the kids will be so happy to have us with THEM always!"

Happy holidays to all Mommies...

Why "The M.I.L.K" blog?

This is a whole new world for me: blogging. First time ever. I've spent a crash-course weekend reading and following as many mom websites as I could find... Hours and hours of experiencing women's creative expressions and unique voices. It moved me to read how much women had to say, how they had such freedom in giving voice to the humor, fear, joy, and frustration that makes up parenting. I was blown away by the way women supported each other's blogging sites, linking each other up, and introducing us all to one another by singing each other's praises. Who we are out there in the World is the same as we are here in the blogosphere, it seems. We rally for each other, and it benefits the collective. I have to say for the record, I would not be where I am today: a strong, passionate, integrated woman foremost, and mother second to that, if I didn't have great women and beyond amazing girlfriends around me - literally carrying me at times, these last 4 years especially - but through my whole life... It's been a constant, fortunately. And I am overwhelmed to know that this celebration of our motherhood and womanhood is resounding loudly in cyberspace! Ok, kumbaya, I know, I know... Just, so grateful to be a part of that movement now...

I came up with "The M.I.L.K" as the name of the blog, because unlike "M.I.L.F" which is objectifying with moms being looked at from the outside in, the expression "M.I.L.K" is about us admiring each other from the inside out; it's how we talk about each other amongst ourselves. Sure it's great be told we're hot (and the older I get, the less offended I am when I overhear some classless individual refer to me that way) but truth be told, I'm more interested in BECOMING a 'mom my friends like to know,' or seeking out another mom I'D like to know. "M.I.L.K" has an aspirational quality to it I quite like. Which is what happens if we're parenting well, and parenting consciously. We grow, stretch and evolve in many ways, alongside our kids.

Motherhood does that. Pettiness amongst other women seems to fall away when we're grasping at straws trying to be the best version of ourselves we can for our kids. We are each respective experts and have a lot of resources through our varied experiences being moms. It's such a hard job, and it rarely feels like we're spot on and get it right. It's hard to gauge success: you just keep planting seeds in their little minds and hearts ...and water daily. Or pull up roots sometimes!!

It can be made up of monotonous work some days as you go through the motions of lunchboxes, carpooling, after-school activities, chores, homework, play-dates, and so on. No one tells you all that when you're pregnant with your firstborn, and you're still naive enough to think that children could maybe fulfill you somewhere. Motherhood IS fulfilling if you're balanced, but let's get real: kids will push you to the limit and you better have some good girlfriends, family members and support in place to talk you out of THE BELL JAR!" :)

But those moments when they are thoughtful, and you see kindness emerging alongside compassion independent of your prompting; or they are able to articulate a perspective of how they see the world and it's deep and true; to the simple acts of love when they touch your face, and smile at you the way they do no one else, make it all worthwhile... But, in my day, I have had no problem calling up a girlfriend and saying, "I'm at the end of my rope! What the bleep do I do about my son doing blankety-blank..I don't want to do this anymore. It's so hard!" I've done just that, exhausted, tired and disheartened with bratty behavior, or just feeling like I was a terrible mom that day because the patience well had run dry. And they told me they'd felt the same way at times.

My cousin Zephora, one of the best moms I know said, "If someone tells you they love every minute of parenting, they're full of shit and overstaffed." I was THAT mom. I had a weekend nanny and a live-in nanny back when I was married. And big surprise! I felt so disconnected from my kids like I was somehow not in the driver's seat. These paid helpers were the experts of my offspring with their advice and years of expertise. In Hollywood, that's the norm. And there's nothing wrong with that - it worked for that period in my life. But when I divorced, for economic and emotional reasons, I stepped up in all aspects of their lives and started parenting with passion: as a single parent who had them full-time. I got an intensive mom degree being the only point person for them (their dad was overseas for a few years) and I am forever grateful for it.

We're super close me and my kids today, 4 years later. We've been through a lot together. I can I really see them as interesting people independent of me, and for the most part, I really enjoy their company :) They have a great sense of who they are. That's what my job is as their mom: keep them safe and reflect back at them their greatness so they can feel good about who they are when they walk though the world without me. That's my mission statement as their mom. I fail at that for sure at times, and when I don't uphold it and I catch myself pushing a certain outfit on my daughter, when she wants to wear something outlandish (she's my free spirit), I have to remind myself she's not an extension of me: she's herself. Dress appropriately for the occasion, yes. But have your own creative fashion expression. That's your right.

Motherhood is so complicated. It's healing so many parts of ourselves from our own imperfect childhoods; it's being fully present with our kids as much as possible in this multi-tasking world we live in; it's maintaining balance in all other areas too with hobbies, friendships, dating (in my case) exercise, and spirituality. It's a tall order. If those things aren't balanced and in check, I'm not only not going to be a great mom, but I won't feel good about myself as a woman, and that's crucial to me offering something to the world.

The M.I.L.K - is you, me and our girlfriends. I wouldn't be where I am if hadn't crossed paths with some pretty amazing moms in the last 9+ years. Moms that helped me by either talking something through and troubleshooting, or sharing their experience and resources, or just telling the truth. And I hope I've done the same, in turn, over the years. It's what we're supposed to do for each other.

Christmas in Tinsletown

Me and my kids - Jaden and Eliana - went to an event hosted by Milkshop.com today. I had to literally bribe them with candy to sit on Santa's knee with me: this is clearly the last Christmas I will EVER get them to do this again... At seven and nine years old, I am pushing my luck...
I got a call from my daughter's 2nd grade teacher the other day asking me to please "have a talk with her because she is telling other kids in class that Santa doesn't exist." Apparently some of her classmates were upset because she had evidential stories to illustrate as proof. Great! My daughter the innocence corruptor - I am a proud mom this holiday season...

About the Author

Ryan Haddon is a mother of two children: Jaden who's 11, and Eliana who's 8 years-old. After being a single mom for over 3 years, Ryan remarried a wonderful man. And they now share a loft that he built for them. She has worked as a producer at "Good Morning America," "The MacNeil/Lehrer NewsHour" and "The Roseanne Show." She was an on-air correspondent for NBC's "Extra!" and Court TV's "Hollywood Heat." Now Ryan can be found packing lunchboxes, carpooling, helping the kids with their homework, and cheering at football and basketball games. She downloads with her close-knit group of girlfriends about the joys and tribulations of parenthood. And squeezes in workouts wherever she can hiking and biking so she can enjoy her passion for frozen yogurt guilt-free! Ryan is also a dedicated life coach who helps women move through crisis and set up a blue print for living. She is currently writing her first novel to be released in 2011. A coming-of-age story about a group of girlfriends in Hollywood evolving and reinventing themselves in a town that only gives you an Act 1. She lives in Los Angeles with her 2 children, her husband and their 2 dogs, Charlie and Vedder.

What is The M.I.L.K?

I came up with "The M.I.L.K" as the name of the blog, because unlike "M.I.L.F" which is objectifying with moms being looked at from the outside in, the expression "M.I.L.K" is about us admiring each other from the inside out; it's how we talk about each other amongst ourselves. Sure it's great be told we're hot (and the older I get, the less offended I am when I overhear some classless individual refer to me that way) but truth be told, I'm more interested in BECOMING a 'mom my friends like to know,' or seeking out another mom I'D like to know. "M.I.L.K" has an aspirational quality to it I quite like. Which is what happens if we're parenting well, and parenting consciously. We grow, stretch and evolve in many ways, alongside our kids.

Contact Me

Ryan@theMilkblog.com

Resources

Guru Mommy

The Honeyline

Daily OM